For Parents: Fostering Your Child's Independence

• Help your student create and follow routines for homework and organization.

• Talk with your student about the strategies he or she is using to complete tasks; this reinforces the metacognitive element of learning.

• -Help your student break down long-term projects or assignments into smaller, more manageable tasks; we call this “chunking” or “breaking big rocks into pebbles.” Then, help them to plan (and write down!) when to complete each smaller task, starting with the due date and working backwards; we call this “backwards planning.”

• Talk with your student about what he or she is learning, both content-wise and skill-wise. Emphasize that different strategies work for different people, and that we all need to figure out how we learn best, so we can be efficient and effective learners.

• Part of a student’s middle school experience should be figuring out how to manage more responsibility and independence. For students to have opportunities to learn and practice this, they need to be allowed to grapple with tasks, attempt to problem-solve independently, and experience natural consequences for their actions and inactions. (The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey is an interesting book that builds on this idea.)

• Encourage your child to communicate with his or her teachers and/or advisor,especially if they are feeling confused, overwhelmed or unsure of themselves. You could role-play a conversation they might have, or encourage them to write a note or email the teacher if they’re hesitant to initiate a conversation with them.

• Encourage your student to attend extra help sessions with their teachers, and any other skill-building workshops offered by the school. If you’re not sure what resources might be available, have your child inquire!

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•  Maintain a growth mindset– that is, embrace the belief that we can grow our “intelligence” in different areas, with strategic practice and perseverance. In conversations with your child about schoolwork, grades, and “abilities,” emphasize that strategic practice of a skill actually changes the brain’s structure by building and solidifying neural pathways; so, they’re not “doomed” to always struggle with one task, skill, or content area because the brain is like a muscle we can exercise to make stronger. (See the work of Carol Dweck for more information on growth mindsets- it’s pretty interesting stuff!)

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